today's the day...

so today is the day for alot of things...

its the day for me to have slept straight through my chem class. halfway on purpose...because im a loser.

its the day that my friend has her first trial to sort through this messy situation. its gonna be really long and emotionally draining for her...its also the day that im most thankful for her good friend, who will be there to comfort and support her today

its the day i have to clean the bathroom. surprisingly, its not too bad! but its been about 2 weeks-ish, so its time. but i will not remove waluigi from the mirror! he only appears when you take a hot shower to fog up the mirror...and then he's like "WAGH!" in fact, it actually says that! (all props for this bit of awesomeness go to roger...because he drew him on there)

its the day i have to do some homework. apparently PE is more life-invasive than we had originally feared. for this 2 credit hour class, we have twice as much homework as my 3 credit classes. twice as much! last lame assignment was a "spiritual" wellness reflection - i did a howling mad murdoch and thought of white paper and called that meditation :) if you have no idea what im talking about, shame on you! you should watch that episode of the a-team here: http://www.hulu.com/watch/59960/the-a-team-the-road-to-hope and this time its an emotional wellness reflection...which is way dumb.

today is hopefully the day that jason and i can beat the next level of x-men! i have the sega genesis and original x-men game, which is waaaay hard! and because its form the classic era of games, theres no save option...so we have to either play through the early levels or gambit jump through them. either way, we're gonna get some good playtime in today!

today is the day that i clean my room. see, there are some awesome people coming next week (my grandparents) and it would be way lame for it to look gross.

and today is the day: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_mKZpf3gPg&ob=av2n

stairweeeeeeeeeeell

(crude-ness warning! this post has some crude humor, but nothing over the top...i wont say anything a 5 yr old like myself can't hear/say)

so i live on the third floor, halfway between the stairwell and the elevator. so i usually take the stairwell. this serves two (2) purposes: 1) it gets me there quicker. the elevator here is like the one back at vance, so it takes like 5 minutes to go from the 1st to the 3rd floor with no stops! 2) it gets me a bit more exercise by taking the steps two (2) at a time. now taking the stairwell...it can be good, or it can be bad.

now how can a harmless little stairwell be so bad, you may ask? well, youve come to the right place! because i, the powerful, the pleasurable, the indestructible joseph, am going to a'splain!

why you wouldnt like our stairwell (unless youre way weird):

#1 - it smells like butt. like really. in all seriousness (and lots of funny-ness) our hall smells great, thanks to the next door neighbors' uber strong apple cinnamon plugin, but you open the stairwell door, and it slaps you, WHAPPPPPP! with the not-so-fresh smell of wag dining hall gas. its baaaaaaaaaad! i always feel like im in a middle school boys bathroom. except when one of the girls from downstairs goes through it, because then it smells like awesome perfume mixed with butt. and no boys bathroom IVE ever been in has had the perfume part in it...just sayin!

#2 - stupid people congregate there. on the dad-blamed steps! people will stand there and talk! on. the. steps! have i said that enough? so you come running up/down the steps trying to get to class on time, and BLAMABLAM! you run through em like a bowling ball through pins, and you fall and break an arm and die and then keep falling until you hit the bottom. and then you die again. not fun!

#3 - people leave their junk on the steps. all over it! someone dumped their salad on the way up, and it sat there for two (2) weeks! rotting! molding! sliming! smelling like dead cat poop! way gross. but i must admit, it was pretty cool to see all the phases of decay!

#4 - the stairs creak. like when you step on em. newsflash: theyre steel! so you step up on them and they go CREAK,POP,THUNK! just by stepping on them! now...i weigh like 140 soaking wet, and if I make them creak, what about anyone bigger than me?!?!

#5 - did i mention the smell? oh yeah...i guess i did. smells like butt? after eating at wag? yep. thats it. thats my number 5.

feel bad for me yet? i go through this stairwell like...8 times a day :)

friends (not the tv series)

for those of you that dont know me, i generally refer to myself as a misanthrope - not relishing the idea of being around people and most certainly not wanting become close to anyone. but over the past few years, ive realized just how ridiculously awesome people in general, and more specifically, friends, are.

reasons why friends (real friends, not here-today-gone-tomorrow) are awesome (not in order of precedence or importance [or redundancy or saying the same thing multiple times]...just in the order of my brain):

#1 - playing games. ever tried to play settlers of catan by yourself? it doesnt work. or the classic baseball example - unless you're popeye, you cant be the pitcher and the batter. if you can, take a video and show me! i want to see it!

#2 - wakeboarding. ever try to do that by yourself? you get all the way out there in the boat, hop out, get your board/jacket on, take care of business in the water (making sure to give the "hold on" signal), and then give the ready signal...and nothing happens.

#3 - going to cookout. now cookout is great if you go by yourself. but its awesome if you go ina large group...watching the people inside get all frantic while your friends stand outside the one-way mirror and make faces is priceless. :) plus, you can get new ideas for mix-n-match milkshakes!

#4 - hammocking. ever hammocked in one of those eno hammocks? the really cool ones that pack down to the size of a great big grapefruit? theyre so much fun by yourself. but when you get a group of people together in the trees, you can make double/triple stacks (like bunk beds)! or you can connect multiple hammocks and use them like swings!

#5 - doing stupid stuff. the most fun things in life are usually terrible ideas. not gonna lie. but theyre so much fun! and if youre by yourself, you probably wouldnt do it...but in a group? anything goes :) its in groups of people that you hear famous last words such as "i'm sure this will work", "this is a great idea", "what could happen?", "look, no hands", and "i wonder if this will hold......". who doesnt want that?!

#6 - road trips (or trips to the grocery store...that works too). you can only sing/dance/be stupid to a certain degree when youre alone...but when youve got at least one other person in the car, the possibilities are endless! and then think of the classic chinese fire drill...with one person! :)

********more seriouser reasons why friends are awesome

#7 - friends are willing to tell you when youve messed up and help you avoid it in the future. see, when youre by yourself, even if you want to avoid a certain behavior/place, you can only go so far before you start justifying the action or place. but a friend that cares wis willing to help you out and beat you up as many times as necessary to avoid the action/place.

#8 - friends listen. to anything. and a true friend doesnt judge you - they love and care about you regardless of your actions. yes they can help you when you need it, but they dont judge. without friends, theres no way id be able to carry some of the burdens ive been given in the past few years...none. see, theres so much we cant deal with on our own. there's just no way. when you try to fight it alone, you fall. fail. get consumed in grief, pain, hate, sorrow, depression, self-loathing, et cetera ad infinitum. but with a friend, youre stronger. a stick can be broken, but a bundle of sticks will stand.

#9 - friends have your back. no matter what. thats pretty much self-explanatory, but even when you make a stupid decision, friends are there to help you pick up the pieces

#10 - friends can tell you things that you wouldnt listen to anywhere else. think about it - if a stranger tells you you look like your mom dressed you in the dark, you would ignore it. but if a friend told you that, youd probably be a little upset, but you would take it as advice from someone who cares. same with legit stuff - you can take advice from a friend easier and with more weight than some random person.

and thats just 10 reasons why friends are great. out of the like...8 bajillion reasons!

retreat! (not the custer kind)

so, this weekend im at camp. on fall break. for a mother/daughter retreat. now, for those of you who dont know me (and for those that do), i am neither a mother nor daughter. so why am i here, you ask? good question! because i love camp! being here isnt just a job. its not just a way to earn money/learn skills. its a time to be with "family" (after working with these people 10+ weeks, they become like family). its a time for being outside at the lake. its a time to stargaze without much light pollution. its a time to get up early, go to bed late, but love every second. to be really tired after a long day of rec. activities. to walk around looking ridiculous while trying to find a cell signal - IF you can find one! a time to stay in the m.u./bcr/bcl.

today i spent the day playing games with the mothers/daughters, leading worship, belaying on the climbing wall, and belaying in high ropes. now for those who dont know, our climbing wall is roughly 45 feet with 6 different possible routes. i had one of the routes today and belayed roughly 7 people per class (1 hr). and high ropes? what is that, you ask? well, its a ropes course. in the trees. that are high. there fore = high ropes course, or the shortenenated version: high ropes. its a fairly straight-forward course, with 2 exits (a free fall, and a zip line) the free fall is ~30ft, the zip tower is roughly 60ft. i finished up just in time to eat dinner :)

tired

soo...yesterday was PE class. and i wouldnt have thought a PE class would be hard, but this one definitely is. heres how the first few weeks went: weeks 1-3, running 1/2, 3/4, and 1 mile; weeks 4-5, fitness testing...which was a 1.5 mile run, max pushup, max sit-up, max bench press; weeks 6-now, circuit training...so needless to say it's been fairly intense!

for circuit he has us on a 6-station rotation of 5 minutes each of cardio, shoulders, back, biceps/triceps, legs, and abs. so up to this point i had been doing (dont laugh at my numbers):

10 rep 95lb bench press, following the down 4, up 2 rule

10 rep 45lb sitting military

either

{10 rep 50lb leg curls

10 rep 55-60lb (cant remember the exact number on that machine) leg extensions}

or

{10 rep 45lb leg press

10 rep 45lb toe press}

5 min abs (usually ball transfer crunches or ball obliques)

5 min cardio on stationary bike or elliptical, 2 min warmup, 1 min hard, 2 min cooldown

10 rep 12.5lb overhead straight arm raises

10 rep 37.5lb sitting row

10 rep 15lb bicep

10 rep 15lb tricep

last night is when we had to bump it up, so instead of doing cardio, he had us run 1.5 miles and up either reps or weights...so now im at 20 reps for most of those (not bench), and increased bicep weight to 17.5lb...and i was so tired afterwards. just holding my glass(es) of poweraid was comical because my arms were twitchy...paha

all that exercise in conjunction with eating right is hopefully not gonna make lose weight (i'd disappear if i did...140lb soaking wet), but gain muscle.

and that beautiful creation called monster? he's my best friend on PE days. :) trail mix and/or granola and a monster are usually my pre-PE snack, so i eat it right at 6.15ish for a 7 o'clock PE.

side note: i salute you, mr. random blog reader from germany. idk who you are or how you found my blog, but welcome :)

tough times

yes i do realize that i just made this blog today and im already bringing the fun level down, but i just needed to work through some things, and this post is really important to me...youll see why. youre probably gonna see a side of me that very few people have ever seen. you might laugh at me. but thats ok. and you may cry at this entry. i did when this happened, and yes im man enough to admit it. oh yeah. and this has to do with my faith too. so if that offends you, move on. trolls are unwelcome.

at 1.34am on tuesday, october 4th, 2011, i received one of the most heartbreaking and earth-shattering text message i ever could have received. a friend who means the world to me texted me to say that she had been raped. and she was serious. before this, i thought (as im sure many of you do) that rape was bad. i thought it was terrible and repulsive. but so removed from it that i couldnt really feel the sting of it. i had just a head knowledge. but when i heard that it had happened to a really close friend, it was then that i truly began to understand how horrific it really is. i got a taste of heart knowledge. it was then that my world as i knew it changed instantly.

from 1.45-3am, i dont remember things i said/thought, or what i did. i was shocked. i was hurting for her. i was hating him. i was disgusted with the depth of his depravity. i was scared. i have never felt so heartbroken in my entire life - not even when the second greatest man to have ever lived died a few years ago (my great-uncle gene...when he died, i was absolutely certain of where he was, and that was a place of no more pain and tears). i completely lost my mind. it was then that something completely unfamiliar to me happened. something called a panic attack. never before had this beast bitten me. never again do i want it to. i couldnt feel my hands. i couldnt flex and unflex them. i was freezing. sweating. i grabbed my comforter and wrapped it around me. i was shaking. i was crying semi-uncontrollably. i couldnt breathe. i lost coherence. i felt useless. worthless. knowing i had to do something but unable to do it. knowing at that moment was when i was needed most but was incapable of doing what was necessary. knowing i was alone. knowing that regardless of my goodwill and intentions, when crunch time came, i was powerless to help. i even tried to get my things together and drive to go be with her. but i found that i physically couldnt - even if i could have gotten to the car, i couldnt use my hands, and my vision/mental clarity were nowhere near good enough to drive for the 12-13 hours. and that hurt too. that she was hurting and all i could do was sit and freak out. i tried to be awake and coherent all night so that i could get her next text and figure out how to help. i figured that was the least i could do. but i slipped into the nether realm of unconsciousness sometime after 3. i woke up in the fetal position the next morning.

the next day i couldnt feel anything. just a profound sense of emptiness. i hadnt heard from her, but i knew she had to be hurting. i wanted to still be able to cry, i wanted to still hate him, but i felt so far removed that i couldnt. i just went through the motions of the day. i ate a little. i sat around alot. i was in a mental fog. i prayed harder than i had ever prayed in my entire life. and you know what? i didnt feel any better. this magical charm of prayer that was supposed to give me some "Spirit shivers" or "Biblical buzz" didnt. i felt the same after as before. like God had let me down. like prayer was worthless. that God didnt really care. that He must be cruel. but i was treating it all wrong. i was looking at this from my perspective, and looking at prayer like it was indeed a charm - not the 24hr helpline that it is. i was assuming that my feelings dictated the true state of things. i was focusing on my own perspective instead of thinking about the big picture. just because i didnt "feel" different didnt mean God wasnt working. and i had the opportunity to see that later on.

on tuesday night, i got to talk to my friend. i got to hear how she was doing. i cried again as she told me more of the situation. i sat there not really knowing how to help other than to listen. but i also learned of the intense strength and willpower this girl has. she not only had the strength to tell someone about it, but she is fighting through this and even went to class that night! after spending the entire morning at the hospital! and the police station! she was carrying on with life. her spirit isnt broken. i knew she was strong. but that strong? how amazing is that? clearly her strength isnt from herself. i was able to see that remarkable character that can only be revealed through trials. i dont know that God showed me that because of my prayers, but quite frankly, i dont care. the fact is, He did it. and she's surrounded by people who already loved her, but now she can see that even more clearly.

so the point is, who cares if you see immediate results? and who cares how *you* feel in a situation? just because we feel like horsepoo or that we're totally alone doesnt mean we are! and who are we to underestimate the strength drawn from God? essentially thats like saying "God, i trust you, and i know you can bring me through anything and everything...and You have all power...and that you control everything...but i still need my own strength...because there are things you cant handle"...um...hello?!?! how does that make sense? why is it that we can trust God in the good times, but flounder helplessly in the tough times? i find it odd and slightly ironic that we as Christians are always talking about trusting God in the storms and battles, but at the first sign of trouble, we question Him! why is it that we cant practice what we preach?

in case you were wondering, yes it does still hurt. it hurts alot. this is the worst pain ive ever had to deal with thus far. i am in no way saying that just through prayer all your pain can be taken away or numbed. im simply saying that it connects you to the source of strength. the One who felt more than we could ever possibly feel. yet still stuck through it.

tough times. the times we should run TO God. but the times we automatically run AWAY from God.

re-re-attempting

so...i tried to start a blog a while back. and it failed. and i tried again (for a class) and...same result. so im gonna try one more 'gain. hopefully it wont fail ;)

so breakfast. its good. i had some today...oatmeal, bacon, biscuit with gravy, coffee, and whole milk. breakfast of champions!

and class. i have chem. at 8am. so guess what i normally do in that class? if you said "pay attention and stay awake", you should probably read the first sentence again. i normally sleep!

our shower finally drains now! :) apparently, it gets clogged pretty easy...and we couldnt get it unclogged. so im sure you can imagine the grossness of standing shower water. like...after a 10 minute shower, it took ~30 minutes to drain! maintenance came to fix it, thankfully.

and i cant think of anything more to say. i feel like this is gonna take some getting used to.

[insert something funny and/or inappropriate here]

(all props go to mr phillip for that phrase)