stairweeeeeeeeeeell

(crude-ness warning! this post has some crude humor, but nothing over the top...i wont say anything a 5 yr old like myself can't hear/say)

so i live on the third floor, halfway between the stairwell and the elevator. so i usually take the stairwell. this serves two (2) purposes: 1) it gets me there quicker. the elevator here is like the one back at vance, so it takes like 5 minutes to go from the 1st to the 3rd floor with no stops! 2) it gets me a bit more exercise by taking the steps two (2) at a time. now taking the stairwell...it can be good, or it can be bad.

now how can a harmless little stairwell be so bad, you may ask? well, youve come to the right place! because i, the powerful, the pleasurable, the indestructible joseph, am going to a'splain!

why you wouldnt like our stairwell (unless youre way weird):

#1 - it smells like butt. like really. in all seriousness (and lots of funny-ness) our hall smells great, thanks to the next door neighbors' uber strong apple cinnamon plugin, but you open the stairwell door, and it slaps you, WHAPPPPPP! with the not-so-fresh smell of wag dining hall gas. its baaaaaaaaaad! i always feel like im in a middle school boys bathroom. except when one of the girls from downstairs goes through it, because then it smells like awesome perfume mixed with butt. and no boys bathroom IVE ever been in has had the perfume part in it...just sayin!

#2 - stupid people congregate there. on the dad-blamed steps! people will stand there and talk! on. the. steps! have i said that enough? so you come running up/down the steps trying to get to class on time, and BLAMABLAM! you run through em like a bowling ball through pins, and you fall and break an arm and die and then keep falling until you hit the bottom. and then you die again. not fun!

#3 - people leave their junk on the steps. all over it! someone dumped their salad on the way up, and it sat there for two (2) weeks! rotting! molding! sliming! smelling like dead cat poop! way gross. but i must admit, it was pretty cool to see all the phases of decay!

#4 - the stairs creak. like when you step on em. newsflash: theyre steel! so you step up on them and they go CREAK,POP,THUNK! just by stepping on them! now...i weigh like 140 soaking wet, and if I make them creak, what about anyone bigger than me?!?!

#5 - did i mention the smell? oh yeah...i guess i did. smells like butt? after eating at wag? yep. thats it. thats my number 5.

feel bad for me yet? i go through this stairwell like...8 times a day :)