confessions of a local grocery store clerk

here's the thing. most people have never worked, nor will they work in a grocery store. we're the few, the over-worked, the cashiers. since most people don't understand what our job is really like, they don't really consider what their actions in grocery stores should be. here i have compiled a list of some irritating or downright rude things people do - sometimes without knowing it.

FRONT END
1. talking on cell-phones while in line. really? really? i know sometimes you have emergencies that require immediate attention, but usually you don't remain in line if an emergency arises. you go take care of it. these people are the same ones who become irate if you make an assumption about their payment method because they didn't respond to your question(s) about said payment. why? oh yeah, because of the cell phone. sheesh.

2. failing to control their young. there are some people who seem to think that keeping tabs on children is the job of the general public, not they as the parent. we now have a lovely permanent ink drawing of a stick figure with flowers drawn ON THE SIDE OF A REGISTER because the parent wasn't paying attention to the child. really? or you have the pair of children who, because the parent was elsewhere in the store, rolled, tumbled, and fought each other throughout the store, knocking over displays and losing shoes as they went. one woman (customer, not employee) suggested they be tied up. i assume she was joking.

3. comparing our store to another store. my store is a well-known brand that happens to be the only grocery store name in town. the next store is 20 minutes in any direction, so most people just come to ours. i cannot count the number of times i've heard "oh, i don't even know why i came in this store, i'll just go over to the <insert other store name> because they always have what i want", yet we still see the exact same customer - usually the next day! or "why don't y'all have <insert obscure product name> like <insert other store name>?" or "why don't y'all do <insert process name> like <other store>?"...hmmm, i'm pretty sure you willingly came to this store. otherwise, you'd be at the other store. please stop complaining about it.

4. blaming the cashier for policies you don't like. here's the thing. most cashiers are simply that: cashiers. in most cases, they aren't managers, shift leaders, or higher-ups in the chain of command. they don't make policy decisions, nor do they usually know the reasoning behind said policies. so blaming the cashier for not accepting a specific coupon in accordance with policy or for giving you specific denominations or checking bills in a specific way is basically the same as blaming the little old lady in the mart cart behind you. neither one of them controls policies, so if you actually are angry at a store policy, it's best to go straight to the manager.

5. while on the subject of coupons...PLEASE, for the love of mustard, PLEASE read your coupons before you get to the register! there's nothing more disheartening for the cashier or the fellow patrons further back in the line than a person who waits until they are about to pay for groceries to sort through their coupons. here's a little-known fact to anyone outside of grocery stores: cashiers are timed. like...always on a clock. so not only are you annoying every other patron in the line, not only are you making yourself look ridiculous for not knowing what your coupons are for, you're hurting the cashier's time. which can get them into trouble with the managers and lead to pay deductions. not cool. and please don't ask us to push a coupon through if we tell you it isn't allowed or valid. that also gets us into trouble, because the store usually can't redeem old coupons, resulting in a loss.

NOTE: now that you know cashiers are timed, you should appreciate it when a cashier either stops or slows down scanning your groceries to give you suggestions on products or to have a conversation with you - it means they care more about customer interaction and service than clock numbers.

6. waiting until 5 minutes before closing time to go grocery shopping. ok, here's the thing. i know some people work late (usually i do too), so i can understand coming into the store before it's closing to get your groceries, but it would seem reasonable to get the necessary items quickly because the store is closing, right? hehe. no. just because you have been locked in a store and told it's closing doesn't mean that you have free reign and unlimited time to shop. there are cashiers/managers who would like to go home and stockers who would like to do their jobs but neither of those things can happen if you dawdle around in the store. we had a gentleman a few weeks ago who basically got lost in the store 10 minutes before closing. our store isn't remarkably large, nor is it particularly difficult to navigate. but somehow, this man just wandered and wandered to the point where we had absolutely no idea where he was - repeated walking of the aisles produced no clues as to his whereabouts. only after making 3 announcements about the store being closed and 15 minutes after we locked the doors did he re-appear from nowhere to make his purchase. which consisted of about 5 things. old and feeble? using a mart-cart that was on its last bit of battery life? crutches? nope. he was like 28 and perfectly healthy. his reason? "oh i couldn't decide between <product x> and <product y>."

DELI
7. when making a decision about fresh-cut deli meat, simply pointing at what you want. i'm not sure if you know or not, but most deli employees don't have x-ray vision. or ESP. so, that means you'll need to use your words when telling us what you want.

8. failing to read the labels on deli meat. soooooooo many customers come up asking us for sliced "hard genoa" salami. really? two different kinds of meat there. that's like asking for new york sharp mozzarella. or the also-popular "beef german bologna". german bologna has beef, pork, and chicken with added garlic (usually), and the beef bologna is, well, beef with flavorings.

9. calling the deli worker over but not knowing what you want. this is different from the person who wants an educated opinion or who has legitimate questions about the meats - no, this is the person who wants your undivided attention while they choose their meats. really? "hey, come over here and watch me be indecisive while what you were working on sits unfinished." wow.

10. not specifying if you want name-brand or store-brand. in most cases, people will specify the brand. however, every so often, you come across some people who assume you know their brand preference. oops, i don't have ESP (see #7). you should treat the deli the same way as a bartender - you specify what brand (or quality), otherwise you get the cheap stuff. if you don't specify brand, you shouldn't be upset if we give you the store brand.

11. repeating yourself (or shouting your repetitions) when we ask you for specifics. this one lady came to the deli one day while i was slicing meat, and asked for baked ham. given that we carry plain cooked, hickory smoked, regular smoked, black forest, honey, brown sugar, imported dak, and sometimes country-style, i asked "what kind of ham?". the following conversation ensued:
-BAKED HAM!
-yes ma'am, but what kind, we have several...
-BAKED HAM, IT'S BAKED.
-ma'am i understand you want ham, which of these 7-8 kinds?
-BAKED!
-how about this plain, cooked ham?
-THAT'S the stuff i wanted!

excuse me whilst i jump off a cliff.


check back soon for part 2: what you SHOULD do in a grocery store.

boone

so...after visiting asu/boone for the weekend, ive discovered some things about it.

1) asu is h.u.g.e! as in...you could fit our campus on like...less than half of just the first floors on asu's campus! most of our buildings are 2 story, and there arent but so many buildings here...up there? pretty much every building has at least 3 floors. and theres a bajillion buildings!

2) boone is cold. as in...it snowed while i was there. no lie. except i cant say this first hand...because i was asleep. i slept from 4.15am until 2pm...and it happened sometime saturday morning...so pretty much right in the middle of my sleep

3) monster is only so effective when driving long distances...once it wears through, the key is to keep cold! which worked out well, considering point #2. so you put monster, cold weather, and loud music together, and you have instant "stay awake"

4) all roads in boone look the same...and all roads in boone are really steep! (yes i know thats an exaggeration...but the roads are way steep - especially the portion by the blue ridge parkway - 8% grade? for 4+ miles? yep. thats pretty steep.

5) those crazy mountain people you see in the movies? yeah, theyre not from boone. sorry. or at least not the civilized portion of boone. i did see lots of redneck posers, though...paha

6) our daily bread deli is crazy good - get the odb club sammich if you have the chance! (turkey, ham, bacon, cheddar, swiss, rye AND pumpernickel breads, tomato, lettuce, and their "special sauce")..with tater salad and a pickle spear. and its like...$7 ish...so get it! its worth it!

7) its gorgeous...and i dont just mean the girl i was with - the scenery itself! theres really nothing like fall in the mountains - you get the slopes of the mountains with small bits of fog and almost every color imaginable peeking out from the tree branches...so awesome! and the sunsets? between the mountains? through slight mountain mist? heck yes! i got to see grandfather mountain from across the valley against the pink sky as the sun was setting - and immediately wished i had my camera...

8) traffic is horrendous on game day. like fo rizzle. even taking the long way/back way/scenic route, you hit tons of traffic!

9) small 2 door cars are not the greatest to drive in boone. its pretty much a requirement to drive an suv if you live there. im glad i dont drive a jeep, though. because everybody else does, and id lose it too easily...paha

10) the walmart lines are INFINITELY quicker than the lines here. like no joke. what takes 10 minutes there takes at least 30 here! and they open more lines when they get backed up! what a revolutionary idea!

so to sum all that up - boone is awesome this time of year, but im glad i dont live there...i would die, i think.

hammocking!

so, for those who dont have the pleasure of owning one, hammocks are the greatest thing since...the last great thing invented! suffice it to say that ive spent almost as much time in this hammock over the summer as i have in classes here at school :) im actually typing this post from a hammock. just fyi.

(let me say that i in no way shape or form represent the company im about to endorse, nor do i get paid)

eno hammocks. if youve never been in one, you are missing out! theyre made out of parachute material and stuff down into themselves to roughly the size of a big grapefruit. they hold up to 400lb, which is great, so you could get 3 small kids in here. i use a doublenest, so its really wide.

theyre great for sleeping - all you need is your hammock and a blanket, and youre set! some people bring pillows, too, but not me! its especially great if you position yourself to see the sunrise, because you wake up to the sun...which is infinitely better than waking up to an alarm clock.

great for swinging - whether youre laying down or sitting up and sharing with a friend, these things are great swings! or when the wind blows (like it is now), you not only get the swinging action, but the cool breeze to go along with it!

theyre great for thinking. ive spent so much time working stuff out in my head while laying in a hammock, that just laying in one automatically make me start thinking. today i have alot to think about...the stuff going on with my friend, homework i have to work through, stuff i have to clean in the apt, and now i there is a prospect of my starting a new relationship. so obviously, my hammock was my first choice of where to be :)

so clearly you should get one of these. i recommend the doublenest, which can usually be gotten on amazon for ~$70, including the straps to hang it!

stairweeeeeeeeeeell

(crude-ness warning! this post has some crude humor, but nothing over the top...i wont say anything a 5 yr old like myself can't hear/say)

so i live on the third floor, halfway between the stairwell and the elevator. so i usually take the stairwell. this serves two (2) purposes: 1) it gets me there quicker. the elevator here is like the one back at vance, so it takes like 5 minutes to go from the 1st to the 3rd floor with no stops! 2) it gets me a bit more exercise by taking the steps two (2) at a time. now taking the stairwell...it can be good, or it can be bad.

now how can a harmless little stairwell be so bad, you may ask? well, youve come to the right place! because i, the powerful, the pleasurable, the indestructible joseph, am going to a'splain!

why you wouldnt like our stairwell (unless youre way weird):

#1 - it smells like butt. like really. in all seriousness (and lots of funny-ness) our hall smells great, thanks to the next door neighbors' uber strong apple cinnamon plugin, but you open the stairwell door, and it slaps you, WHAPPPPPP! with the not-so-fresh smell of wag dining hall gas. its baaaaaaaaaad! i always feel like im in a middle school boys bathroom. except when one of the girls from downstairs goes through it, because then it smells like awesome perfume mixed with butt. and no boys bathroom IVE ever been in has had the perfume part in it...just sayin!

#2 - stupid people congregate there. on the dad-blamed steps! people will stand there and talk! on. the. steps! have i said that enough? so you come running up/down the steps trying to get to class on time, and BLAMABLAM! you run through em like a bowling ball through pins, and you fall and break an arm and die and then keep falling until you hit the bottom. and then you die again. not fun!

#3 - people leave their junk on the steps. all over it! someone dumped their salad on the way up, and it sat there for two (2) weeks! rotting! molding! sliming! smelling like dead cat poop! way gross. but i must admit, it was pretty cool to see all the phases of decay!

#4 - the stairs creak. like when you step on em. newsflash: theyre steel! so you step up on them and they go CREAK,POP,THUNK! just by stepping on them! now...i weigh like 140 soaking wet, and if I make them creak, what about anyone bigger than me?!?!

#5 - did i mention the smell? oh yeah...i guess i did. smells like butt? after eating at wag? yep. thats it. thats my number 5.

feel bad for me yet? i go through this stairwell like...8 times a day :)

friends (not the tv series)

for those of you that dont know me, i generally refer to myself as a misanthrope - not relishing the idea of being around people and most certainly not wanting become close to anyone. but over the past few years, ive realized just how ridiculously awesome people in general, and more specifically, friends, are.

reasons why friends (real friends, not here-today-gone-tomorrow) are awesome (not in order of precedence or importance [or redundancy or saying the same thing multiple times]...just in the order of my brain):

#1 - playing games. ever tried to play settlers of catan by yourself? it doesnt work. or the classic baseball example - unless you're popeye, you cant be the pitcher and the batter. if you can, take a video and show me! i want to see it!

#2 - wakeboarding. ever try to do that by yourself? you get all the way out there in the boat, hop out, get your board/jacket on, take care of business in the water (making sure to give the "hold on" signal), and then give the ready signal...and nothing happens.

#3 - going to cookout. now cookout is great if you go by yourself. but its awesome if you go ina large group...watching the people inside get all frantic while your friends stand outside the one-way mirror and make faces is priceless. :) plus, you can get new ideas for mix-n-match milkshakes!

#4 - hammocking. ever hammocked in one of those eno hammocks? the really cool ones that pack down to the size of a great big grapefruit? theyre so much fun by yourself. but when you get a group of people together in the trees, you can make double/triple stacks (like bunk beds)! or you can connect multiple hammocks and use them like swings!

#5 - doing stupid stuff. the most fun things in life are usually terrible ideas. not gonna lie. but theyre so much fun! and if youre by yourself, you probably wouldnt do it...but in a group? anything goes :) its in groups of people that you hear famous last words such as "i'm sure this will work", "this is a great idea", "what could happen?", "look, no hands", and "i wonder if this will hold......". who doesnt want that?!

#6 - road trips (or trips to the grocery store...that works too). you can only sing/dance/be stupid to a certain degree when youre alone...but when youve got at least one other person in the car, the possibilities are endless! and then think of the classic chinese fire drill...with one person! :)

********more seriouser reasons why friends are awesome

#7 - friends are willing to tell you when youve messed up and help you avoid it in the future. see, when youre by yourself, even if you want to avoid a certain behavior/place, you can only go so far before you start justifying the action or place. but a friend that cares wis willing to help you out and beat you up as many times as necessary to avoid the action/place.

#8 - friends listen. to anything. and a true friend doesnt judge you - they love and care about you regardless of your actions. yes they can help you when you need it, but they dont judge. without friends, theres no way id be able to carry some of the burdens ive been given in the past few years...none. see, theres so much we cant deal with on our own. there's just no way. when you try to fight it alone, you fall. fail. get consumed in grief, pain, hate, sorrow, depression, self-loathing, et cetera ad infinitum. but with a friend, youre stronger. a stick can be broken, but a bundle of sticks will stand.

#9 - friends have your back. no matter what. thats pretty much self-explanatory, but even when you make a stupid decision, friends are there to help you pick up the pieces

#10 - friends can tell you things that you wouldnt listen to anywhere else. think about it - if a stranger tells you you look like your mom dressed you in the dark, you would ignore it. but if a friend told you that, youd probably be a little upset, but you would take it as advice from someone who cares. same with legit stuff - you can take advice from a friend easier and with more weight than some random person.

and thats just 10 reasons why friends are great. out of the like...8 bajillion reasons!

retreat! (not the custer kind)

so, this weekend im at camp. on fall break. for a mother/daughter retreat. now, for those of you who dont know me (and for those that do), i am neither a mother nor daughter. so why am i here, you ask? good question! because i love camp! being here isnt just a job. its not just a way to earn money/learn skills. its a time to be with "family" (after working with these people 10+ weeks, they become like family). its a time for being outside at the lake. its a time to stargaze without much light pollution. its a time to get up early, go to bed late, but love every second. to be really tired after a long day of rec. activities. to walk around looking ridiculous while trying to find a cell signal - IF you can find one! a time to stay in the m.u./bcr/bcl.

today i spent the day playing games with the mothers/daughters, leading worship, belaying on the climbing wall, and belaying in high ropes. now for those who dont know, our climbing wall is roughly 45 feet with 6 different possible routes. i had one of the routes today and belayed roughly 7 people per class (1 hr). and high ropes? what is that, you ask? well, its a ropes course. in the trees. that are high. there fore = high ropes course, or the shortenenated version: high ropes. its a fairly straight-forward course, with 2 exits (a free fall, and a zip line) the free fall is ~30ft, the zip tower is roughly 60ft. i finished up just in time to eat dinner :)